|Artwork by ScrappySCREAMER of Deviant Art|
The world learned this week of the death of Muammar Gaddafi, the infamous Libyan dictator who held power in his country from 1969 to 2011. In yet another journalistic coup, the Dead 2 Rights blog has managed to wrangle an exclusive interview with Mr. Gaddafi in his first week as a member of the living impaired community. It is presented here in the interest of fostering peace throughout the world.
WK: Hello, Mr. Gaddafi.
MG: Colonel Gaddafi.
I demand to be addressed by my military title. You will call me "Colonel Gaddafi."
Uh... aren't you retired now?
Never! And I notice you are not genuflecting. Why are you not genuflecting?
As a zombie, it's kind of difficult for me to genuflect. Rigor mortis and all, you know. And I'm fresh out of Osteo Bi-Flex, darn the luck. You'll find out about all that soon. But getting back to your career... a 42-year reign of terror. You've gotta be happy with that.
First off, I'm not comfortable with that term "reign of terror." I prefer "glorious and honorable stewardship of my beloved country." Secondly, are you implying that my reign is over?
I'm not implying it. I'm saying it. You're dead. The game's over.
The game is not over, my friend. This is merely halftime.
I'm not comfortable with the term "my friend." I prefer "guy who happens to be sitting across from you." And with all due respect, I don't think the people in Libya would want you back, even if you were alive.
This is where you are wrong, my trusted comrade.
I am even less comfortable with the term "my trusted comrade." I met you, like, 20 minutes ago.
It is true that I shall have to work my way back to the top by degrees. I plan to begin "Phase 2" of my career with a brutal takeover... I mean, glorious and honorable stewardship of a Starbucks in Sarasota. The world has not seen the last of Muammar Gaddafi.
Yes, it has.
Again, you are mistaken, my most cherished advisor.
I'm your "cherished advisor" now? You know what? This interview has gotten too creepy even for me. I'm outta here.